Earlier this month, the unthinkable happened: a by-all-accounts unshakeable, off-the-charts attractive celebrity couple announced they were getting a divorce after five years of marriage and 16 years together. On Instagram, Aquaman star Jason Momoa posted a block of center-aligned, black-and-white text that confirmed that he and his beloved wife, Lisa Bonet, were “parting ways in marriage.”
In the woo-woo language that has come to define such announcements, he wrote, “We have all felt the squeeze and changes of these transformational times. A revolution is unfolding and our family is of no exception, feeling and growing from the seismic shifts occurring. And so we share our family news that we are parting ways in marriage. We share this not because we think it’s newsworthy but so that as we go about our lives we may do so with dignity and honesty. The love between us carries on, evolving in ways it wishes to be known and lived. We free each other to be who we are learning to become.”
The outpouring of grief from fans was swift, and perhaps unbearable to the estranged couple at whom it was directed: Momoa ultimately deleted the post and all the anguished comments from fans below it.
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The reaction to this breakup was surprising, to me at least, given that everyone in America just learned the definition of the word parasocial last year, when comedian John Mulaney announced he was divorcing his wife, artist Anna Marie Tendler, prompting aggrieved reactions from longtime fans who had conceived of his marriage as somehow perfect and untouchable. And then, they learned the definition of the word again, a few months later, when Mulaney made a secondary announcement that he was having a baby with actress Olivia Munn. Perhaps it’s not wise to get so emotionally invested in the romantic lives of stars you have never met, amateur psychologists on TikTok cautioned. But the warning didn’t stick. If following Mulaney’s 2021 roller coaster of personal commitments didn’t convince fans to stop getting attached to celebrity relationships, nothing will.
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Why are we like this? Well, for one, some celebrity divorces have gotten so publicly amicable that it is difficult for fans to understand why the celebrities are divorcing at all. While A-listers once let all their drama play out in the press (see: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise), a new calm has permeated divorce announcements since Gwyneth Paltrow set the trend with her “conscious uncoupling” from Chris Martin in 2014. Now, stars compete to say nicer and nicer things about the people whom they apparently can’t stand to see every day anymore. Like Momoa and Bonet, several couples called it quits during the pandemic, and many of them decided to announce the decision with almost comical displays of respect and affection. When actress Kate Bosworth revealed she was splitting from her husband, director Michael Polish, on Instagram this summer, she did so with a free-verse poem about how much the couple still loved each other. Alongside a black-and-white photo of the pair kissing while literally smiling, she wrote, “Our hearts are full, as we have never been so enamored and deeply grateful for one another as we do in this decision to separate. … We hold hands as tightly today as we entangled fingers on our wedding day. Our eyes look more deeply into one another, with more courage now. In the process of letting go, we have come to acknowledge that our love will never end.”
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Reading this, I was confused for a moment about what Bosworth was actually attempting to say: Were they still together? Working things out? Well, no: It’s since been reported that Bosworth is dating fellow actor Justin Long. But those who were caught up in the epic love story that was Bosworth and Polish should be forgiven for holding out hope for reconciliation.
According to Sally Theran, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at Wellesley College who researches parasocial attachment, it’s natural to wish for celebrities to reunite after a breakup (or to stay together in the first place). “When you have a parasocial relationship with someone, you look up to them and idealize them in some way,” Theran explains. “As a result, you really want that person to be happy and successful in every way possible. … Your hope for their relationship to work out is a manifestation of a kind of wish fulfillment for yourself.”
Theran cites the fact that some fans are still holding out hope for Pitt and Aniston to get back together, as well as the public’s extreme joy upon discovering that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez decided to give it another go last year. “If you’re not happy in some way,” these relationship success stories can help you find hope for yourself, Theran says. “At least you can look up to a media figure who is thriving.”
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Social media has only increased fans’ attachment to celebrities and allowed them to become more invested in their personal lives. These days, A-list (and even more so, C-list) couples are spending hours and hours putting out content each week to get even the casual Instagram follower hooked. Take actress Kristen Bell and actor Dax Shepard: For the entirety of their romantic relationship, they have broadcasted countless intimate details about each other on Instagram and in interviews, from how often they have sex to how they parent to what they yell at each other when they argue, leading fans to care about them as a couple and not just two oversharing multimillionaires. “Social media definitely seems to have made fans much more engaged in the lives of their idols, just because we perceive that the media figures are more available and that we have increased access to their lives,” Theran says.
As someone who’s been writing about celebrity gossip and tabloid media for several years, I thought I was immune from getting truly personally invested in any celebrity relationship. But then I remembered the night in 2016 when I dropped my phone at a restaurant, cracking the screen, after reading the Page Six headline that Drew Barrymore was divorcing her third husband, art dealer Will Kopelman. They just seemed so good together! I thought Barrymore finally had the family she always wanted! And yet, like any other fan, I had it all wrong.
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This is an all-too-common trap, Theran says. The information that celebrities share about their relationships on social media or through “sources” who talk to the tabloids is, of course, only one part of the story. For some couples, breaking up is the best course of action, no matter how enamored of each other they seem on Instagram. But in such an uncertain time, it’s still very tempting to hope for a happy ending. And so, we turn our eyes to Bennifer.
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Why Do We Care So Much About Celebrity Break-Ups?
Source: Filipino Journal Articles
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