When Euphoria first premiered, a lot of the press was focused on the cast’s cool outfits and eye makeup (shout-out Doniella Davy). Personally, I stay glued to the show because it plays out what would have happened to my life if I didn’t stop using.
Earlier this month, Zendaya validated the feelings I’ve been having about HBO’s Euphoria from the start. “It’s my hope for people watching that they still see [Rue] as a person worthy of their love,” she wrote in an Instagram post before Episode 5. “I care about her deeply. I also care about the people who care about her because I think many of them share her story of addiction and sobriety.”
Drugs are otherworldly, and early on in my life, I realized that world was for me. It started with pills and gradually advanced to meth. I discovered my stepdad’s pipe in high school. It was casually sitting on the kitchen counter one day when I came home, perfectly packed and inviting. Naturally, I took a hit, not knowing what would happen next. I feel lightheaded even writing this. Although it was two decades ago, I still remember the feeling: Methamphetamine made me glow. It made me feel warm, fuzzy, and, yes, euphoric.
Courtesy of Natalie Alcala
Euphoria, for me, is less glamor and more mirror. It’s a reflection of what the drug abuse experience really looks like. Drugs were my escape from my mind. I had never met my biological father, and clearly, I had a less-than-ideal stepfather. I thought, What else could really go wrong if the odds are against me anyway? I thought I had nothing else to lose, so I started to challenge my existence. Drugs allowed me to break free from my issues instead of face them. I liked to dance around like Rue. I also liked to play cards (especially Speed, ironically) and color pages for hours.
Drugs are also dark and make you self-destructive. Euphoria accurately portrays that side as well. I have been in some scary rooms with some very shady people when picking up eight balls. All walks of life are in those rooms, just like at drug lord Laurie’s home. You start thinking, How the fuck did I get here? But you keep going back, until you have nothing else to live for but the next hit.
My therapist introduced me to the term euphoric recall. Per Wikipedia: “Euphoric recall is a psychological term for the tendency of people to remember past experiences in a positive light, while overlooking negative experiences associated with that event(s). Euphoric recall has been cited as a factor in substance dependence as well as anger problems. Individuals may become obsessed with recreating the remembered pleasures of the past.”
Euphoric recall is why a lot of former drug abusers relapse. Even though I overdosed in 2008, I have a tendency to romanticize the past and wouldn’t put it past me to return to that life if I’m not careful.
Euphoria’s Season 2 poster of Rue taking in the warmth of the sun is a visual depiction of euphoric recall, and it brings me to tears. I broke down in therapy just describing it. For me, the poster is more triggering than the show itself. It visually nails the feeling. But then, just as drug abuse has super-high highs and devastatingly low lows, Euphoria’s lows slap those rose-colored glasses right off me, reminding me that, hell no, I do not want to be Rue right now. The show quite literally saves me, and I’m sure it’s saving current drug abusers and their families by prompting them to have the big talk.
Courtesy of Natalie Alcala
Euphoria is a cautionary tale, and, sure, it makes stuff look cool just as much as your favorite action films filled with guns and explosions make stuff look cool, or your favorite reality show makes fighting other women for a dude they literally just met look cool.
TV and film elevate storylines by incorporating interesting people, exciting visuals, brilliant dialogue, and a strong soundtrack in an effort to reel the viewer in. That’s their job. Our job as the viewer is to watch and interpret it, compare it to our own experiences, empathize with humans, become triggered, address trauma, feel seen, take away a message, et cetera. I’m glad Euphoria exists, and I’m glad the show provides a warning message with resources.
Please watch Euphoria with empathy. Take into account that the storytellers are doing their jobs of sharing an experience. This may not be your experience, but take it from me, this type of experience exists. Many of the people caught up in this experience don’t have the love, understanding, and support to turn their lives around. Or maybe they do have it, but they’re too entangled in their selfish and shitty cycles to see it. Please don’t give up on them, and please don’t give up on Rue.
Whether you have children, like me—a mom of two—or you are adamant about shielding the youth from the truth, or you’re a young person yourself, just know that humans are curious creatures and we’re meant to experiment—some more than others. It’s more responsible to normalize accurate, open-minded storytelling than it is to hide these stories in a dark, scary room.
Euphoria Holds Up a Mirror to My Addiction Experience
Source: Filipino Journal Articles
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